Sequel to Poképroblems…
I thought a trio of issues to be needlessly attacked sufficed, but as I can think of more, how about I dive into them? After all, you did decide to read this, and I’d be offended for you to close this tab now (or window if you live in the times before electricity and use IE6).
4. “6 items or less.”
Problem: An easy way out of the Pokémon League (or any other difficult battle) when you can’t be bothered to train would be to stock up on revives and full restores, in other words sucking up the infinite medicinal resources from the region’s market economy. What would be an even easier way would be to stock up on Pokémon, so you have quite literally an army for your now shaken foes to bring down. The invention of the Pokéball would make it possible, but for some reason, after a somewhat arbitrary six, your Pokéballs (and residing Pokémon) migrate to a computer system with such efficiency that Facebook Chat could only dream of. This brings part B of the problem: how does that box system work? Seriously?
Answer: I did mention on part one that you’re overweight to tie up the last plothole. Perhaps with this comes physical weakness, and you are unable to carry a heavy seven Pokéballs but 6 lots of 99 lots of full restores, who knows? As for the magical system that transports material to data, let’s just say they have the mother of all internet connections.
5. “Sex, drugs, and 8-bit rock ‘n’ roll!”
Problem: I did breed a lot of Pokémon in my youth, and in my experimentation I discovered a bad truth: you can breed Pokémon in a way that would probably seriously damage the IQ and finger count of humans. You know what I mean. Furthermore the legal system for whatever region the game is set in doesn’t really have any problems with the game’s anabolic steroids, which obviously means that that every citizen, Pokémon, animal, mineral, and vegetable is constantly high on every type of drug at all times! This is not the influence that we want for the child audience, and a rationalisation is demanded.
Answer: Despite the computers and whatnot, the Pokémon series is actually set in the 1960s, where everything goes. Everything.
6. “I have the Poké Balls to catch you.”
Problem: With the exception of that rogue Pikachu, Poké Balls are the homes of Pokémon. Please, don’t tell me you have not questioned the programme. How does it work? How do they fit? Does it work with other living things? Can I keep my children in them? Do they still need feeding in it? Do they like it? Does PETP (People for the Ethical Treatment of Pokémon) piss people off about them? What is its primary purpose?
Answer: Pokémon goes in. Pokémon goes in, no further questions. No. No. No. Sure. Of course. To masturbate in peace.
Yes, this whole semi-thought-up false rant eventually dissolved into a poor wank joke. No, you will not get those five minutes back.
I thought a trio of issues to be needlessly attacked sufficed, but as I can think of more, how about I dive into them? After all, you did decide to read this, and I’d be offended for you to close this tab now (or window if you live in the times before electricity and use IE6).
4. “6 items or less.”
Problem: An easy way out of the Pokémon League (or any other difficult battle) when you can’t be bothered to train would be to stock up on revives and full restores, in other words sucking up the infinite medicinal resources from the region’s market economy. What would be an even easier way would be to stock up on Pokémon, so you have quite literally an army for your now shaken foes to bring down. The invention of the Pokéball would make it possible, but for some reason, after a somewhat arbitrary six, your Pokéballs (and residing Pokémon) migrate to a computer system with such efficiency that Facebook Chat could only dream of. This brings part B of the problem: how does that box system work? Seriously?
Answer: I did mention on part one that you’re overweight to tie up the last plothole. Perhaps with this comes physical weakness, and you are unable to carry a heavy seven Pokéballs but 6 lots of 99 lots of full restores, who knows? As for the magical system that transports material to data, let’s just say they have the mother of all internet connections.
5. “Sex, drugs, and 8-bit rock ‘n’ roll!”
Problem: I did breed a lot of Pokémon in my youth, and in my experimentation I discovered a bad truth: you can breed Pokémon in a way that would probably seriously damage the IQ and finger count of humans. You know what I mean. Furthermore the legal system for whatever region the game is set in doesn’t really have any problems with the game’s anabolic steroids, which obviously means that that every citizen, Pokémon, animal, mineral, and vegetable is constantly high on every type of drug at all times! This is not the influence that we want for the child audience, and a rationalisation is demanded.
Answer: Despite the computers and whatnot, the Pokémon series is actually set in the 1960s, where everything goes. Everything.
6. “I have the Poké Balls to catch you.”
Problem: With the exception of that rogue Pikachu, Poké Balls are the homes of Pokémon. Please, don’t tell me you have not questioned the programme. How does it work? How do they fit? Does it work with other living things? Can I keep my children in them? Do they still need feeding in it? Do they like it? Does PETP (People for the Ethical Treatment of Pokémon) piss people off about them? What is its primary purpose?
Answer: Pokémon goes in. Pokémon goes in, no further questions. No. No. No. Sure. Of course. To masturbate in peace.
Yes, this whole semi-thought-up false rant eventually dissolved into a poor wank joke. No, you will not get those five minutes back.
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